We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
