Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
