You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
