Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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