It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
