but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
