Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
