My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
