Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
