she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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