problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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