Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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