I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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