Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
