i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
