I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
