friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
