woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
