It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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