Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
