I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
