just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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