It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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