If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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