Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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