i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
