he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
