just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
