my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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