broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
