Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
