he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
