But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
