R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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