i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
