Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
