No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
