five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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