I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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