In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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