Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
