epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
