All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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