I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
