i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
