God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
