I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
