You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
