he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
