Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
